I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
