I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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