Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
