Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Girls should come with a carfax report
two words...techno handjob
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
