What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
