That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
