I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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