i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
