morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
