I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
