Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize