I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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