So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
