The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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