I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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