is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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