Why are handjobs necessary in class?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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