My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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