brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize