just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
