Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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