So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
