They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My liver just had a heart attack.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
