did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
