dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
