WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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