I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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