I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
