No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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