you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
