they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I didn't notice because vodka
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
