No stitches, just platelets and will power
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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