I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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