I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i believe in u and ur pee
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