So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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