i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
