I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
