If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
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