woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
