Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
