Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
