Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
accomplished twins. life is a go
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
