Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
