I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
