12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
