Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
