do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
