oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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