That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
