i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Randomize
