I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
