you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize