eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
