I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
