2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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