Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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