did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
