We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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