I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize