i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
