Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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