I just saw a hot homeless man
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
