drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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