I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
