wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Randomize
