I'm drive I can fine osifer
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You ruined the universe
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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