i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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