she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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